One of my jobs is pitching shows.  Most of them don’t get picked up.  Soon you will understand why.

It’s Thursday.
It’s TheDrCaptain.com.
It’s Pitch Of The Week.

This week’s pitch:

851 People You Haven’t Had Sex With & Why

Outline:

Each week, our host Agamemnon Spartacus interviews one man and one woman, both of whom have not had sex with you.  Over the course of an hour, they sit in a cold, dark room while they list your flaws and faults, and explain in excrituating detail why they have not – and will not – have sex with you. Ever.

Commissioner’s reaction:

“The concept is incredibly specific. Not only in the person who hasn’t… been-had-sex-with, but also the amount of episodes you intend to film.  

How do you find people who haven’t had sex with our audience?

How is insulting people in the slightest bit entertaining?

And… is Agamemnon Spartacus a real person?”

My retort:

“Think of it as the first few weeks of X-Factor or American Idol, but about your sexual allure, or lack thereof.

Which I mean in the nicest possible way.

Hey, have you changed your hair?

… Or your eyes?

And of course Agamemnon Spartacus is a real person…
he hosted that show you do about the cats.”

“The cats?”

“The cats that do things.”

“That is in no way a show we do…”

Executive Decision:

“Please don’t call us again.”

“But… I’m in the room with you…”

“My point still stands.”

“So… do you want me to stay to talk more, and just not call after?”

“We could not do that and just do the latter.”

“Latte?  Sure, why not.”

“I’m leaving now.”

“Great, I’ll come too.”

“Don’t be here when I come back.”

“Of course not, I’ll be out having lattes with you.”

“…. right…”

Next week: I try to sell rainbows to unicorns. And also a TV show, or something.