This week in Celebrity news: Pete Burns’s face is a breach of the peace, celebrities squabble on Twitter, and David Hasselhoff honors contract while shitting on reality TV.

Galloway breaks Burns out of jail,
Police glad to be rid of him.

MP George Galloway freed his fellow Celebrity Big Brother Pete Burns from jail, after the former Dead Of Alive front… man (?) was arrested for ‘breach of the peace’.

I don’t really know what ‘breach of the peace’ means, but I imagine it had something to do with having a face like this:

Celebrities feuds rage on Twitter.

Real people use twitter for *actual* news

The last few weeks have seen Courtney Love accuse Dave Grohl of sleeping with her daughter, Judd Apatow verbaly ejaculated all over Howard Stern’s face for pimping his upcoming America’s Got Talent hosting gig, C. Punk (who I’m assured is a human being, and not a deoderant for pre-pubescent assholes) threatened to ‘curb stomp’ Chris Brown (which I can’t disagree with as a sentiment), and Obama and Romney have been bitchslapping one another.

Is this news?  Not in the slightest.  The rest of Twitter doesn’t seem to actually care, and has been at the forefront of breaking news, from everything to last years riots to  today’s attempted ‘gas’ attack in London,which resulted in a half-naked man being arrested.  Which half, I dare not dwell on, but if it’s a gas attack, you can pretty much assume it’s the lower.

David Hasselhoff faked Apprentice departure.

World stunned that reality TV isn’t real.

In a story that the ‘media’ seem to believe is ‘news’ (note the sarcasm.  Noted?  Good.) The Hoff stunned his fellow contestants when he walked off the Apprentice ‘due to family commitments’.  What are those ‘family commitments’, you ask?  Why they’re the fact that his contract for the show was only for a three week shoot, and that he already had other work lined up which he had publicized on his blog months earlier.

But, y’know, everyone was shocked.  That he didn’t stay longer than his contract permitted.  And that he said the lines he had been given, and they all responded according to the lines written for them.

Reality TV is dumb.

And THAT, my friends, is news.

THAT IS THE NEWS.