Chris Brown bored of domestic abuse,
decides to move on to petty crime.
"There's nothing gay about one man penetrating another"
I imagine there’s only so much of a thrill one can get from violently assaulting a beautiful girl, and it seems Chris Brown has the same idea, because he’s moved on from beating up women to stealing their possessions.
Whilst leaving a Miami club, a girl took a photo of him with her iPhone, which he promptly snatched from her hands and drove away. Proving once again that he is a fucking moron, who behaving like a child when he doesn’t get what he wants.
“I don’t want no fucking photos on no websites” said Brown, eloquently
“I also don’t want no skin on my apples, nor no crusts on my sandwiches not neither.” he continued.
This, along with most of the violent/antisocial wankery Brown perpetrates can most likely be due to the fact that he is a confirmed professional homosexual, and is a bottom; so he doesn’t even have the excuse of ‘accidentally falling cock-first into another man, because it is he who is getting pounded.
Maybe that’s why he’s so determined to end back in prison, because as we all know; it’s not gay if you’re raped.
Stephen Hawking frequents sex clubs
nerds ask ‘what is this thing you call sex?
As we all know; physicists work hard, but play harder. When the ‘harder’ is in their pants, they inevitably pay women for sexual services.
This week however, startling news *ahem* came across the internet;
the disabled like sex too.
The revelation was sparked by the discovery that Stephen Hawking frequents sex clubs with an army of nurses and assistants who pose him in various positions while whores rub themselves against him.
Why he does not just use the nurses for this purpose remains unclear. I mean, they already have the uniforms.
The internet seems to be taking the news of the underground disableds orgy like a comedy story, but it proves once and for all that whether they’re a stumbly-wumbly or rolytard, cripply-crumple or spaztastic, the unabled need to make sex with things too.
As long as it’s not me, I don’t really care…
More celebrity news after the jump >>>>
Celebrity Apprentice is happening,
contestants loosen the definition of ‘celebrity’
I could have done a Celebrity Apprentice special last week, but decided it was pointless because apart from their families being very proud of them, these people are not celebrated, which I’m sure you’ll agree etymologically speaking is where the concept of ‘celebrity’ comes from.
So. Clay Aiken, Michael Andretti, Teresa Giudice, Arsenio Hall, Patricia Velásquez, Penn Jillette, Victoria Gotti, Dayana Mendoza (seriously? When did it become ok to fuck up the spelling of a name THAT much?) Aubrey O’Day, and Paul Teutul Sr. – you are all people I have barely heard of and have no jokes about.
Tia Carrere
Waynes World superhottie who played a Lara Croft-alike for a while, and now develops badger-killing weaponry for the US military’s Monochrome Mammal Extermination Squad..
Lou Ferrigno
Former Incredible Hulk, and current… uh… deaf guy who George Takei is no doubt hitting on. Marvel wanted to bring Ferrigno in for the Hulk’s performance in The Avengers movie, to the point that they tried to call him.
The lesson we learn: if you need to get in touch with the deaf, phone should be last on your list of contact methods, just above morse code and tin cans attached by string.
Popstar of the past, now an Oscar not-minated actress for her performance in Mega Python vs. Hemorroid.
Fat comedienne. That’s not a judgement, it’s a fact. I can’t think of a Lisa Lampanelli joke I’ve heard that wasn’t about how much she loves black cock. And who can blame her.
Dude appeared in Wife Swap last month… I can only assume that Twisted Sister have a reunion tour or public masturbation session planned for spring…
I have yet to meet anyone gayer than Takei – if there is a male contestant that he hasn’t hit on by the end of the season I will be very impressed a his restraint. I would tell his as much, but he could no doubt say something along the lines of
“I’d like to see you in restraints. And also naked. With my penis in you.”
Cheryl Tiegs
Like the black widow spider, Tiegs kills her mates during intercourse; she’s through four husbands at this moment in time, but by now she might have moved on to number five…
It seems Tiegs has already been kicked out of the show… so that leaves… uh…. all the others.
That’s exciting, isn’t it?
Oh wait, no. No it’s not.
Fuck reality TV with a brick.
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