Everyone loves celebrities. Those who don’t love them, hate them.
But when you think about it, hate is just love in a balaclava, beating you in the face with a baseball bat.
Everyone loves celebrities, but some of us hit them with baseball bats.
In my case, I hit them with word-based baseball bats.
And don’t be thinking I’m cashing in and jumping on the bandwagon.
The bandwagon totally left without me.
Over 60 million people died this year, and they can’t all be mocked, so here’s a rundown of the top pulse-deficient celebrities this year.
This week: ‘Celebrities’ to run marathon, and Allure convinces five celebrities to become less clothed and more naked for your eyes.
Having now proclaimed Empire the worst of the Trilogy, Ewok-fondler George Lucas has lost what little respect anyone had left for him…
A stabbing? Why yes. And it is just as exciting as my sardonic tone implies.
National Cleavage Day renamed, James Cameron sinks to new lows, Tulisa’s sextape is disappointing and Jon Hamm saves the day.
This week: Hunger Games feeds Hollywood bank accounts, and Dina Lohan wants you to call her.
German celebrity rabbit murdered, Kirsten Dunst has her ups and downs,
and Katie Price is… Mother Of The Year…?
Dykes get married, Limbaugh chugs a big cock of lies, and Olivia Wilde saves the day.
Chris Brown is gay and steals shit, Stephen Hawking and other disableds have sex, and Celebrity Apprentice redefines ‘celebrity’.
Pat Buchanan racist and fired, Whitney Houston dead and buried live (on the web, not a-live) … and (no) more!
Award Season 2012 continues to spunk in our faces – this week it’s a BAFTA special, featuring all the BAFTA news you could want, and some you don’t!
Gisele Bundchen’s boobs, Roseanne Barr for President, and a Jew beats the bishop.
Georgia Salpa’s breasts crowned queen of Sweden, Frankie Cocozza finally comes out the closet, and Paula Deen haz cheeseburger.
Etta James RIP. Damon Albarn mourns publicly. OJ Simpson is maybe possibly probably maybe Khloe Kardashian father? And Georgia Salpa saves lives!
The Big Brother ‘excitement’ continues…
It’s the Celebrity Big Brother special!
North Korea left despotless, Celebrity Hitman coming soon, and McFly plan to boil own shoes for Christmas dinner.
Ali Lohan’s reanimated body stalks the streets of LA, Barbara Walters may leave broadcasting and become a fry cook, Duggar’s lose a baby – but have plenty spare, and Bieber continues to be a wanker.
X-Factor causes riots, Ashton Kutcher continues his Douchery, and Justin Bieber is stabbed… or is he?
Britney’s birthday, Flava Flav back on TV & Katie Price does absolutely nothing
Paul Weller’s new album, Peter Andre points at things, Robin Gibb is still alive, Angie Dowds isn’t, and nobody has assassinated Coldplay. Yet.