Everyone loves celebrities. Those who don’t love them, hate them.
But when you think about it, hate is just love in a balaclava, beating you in the face with a baseball bat.

In short:
Everyone loves celebrities, but some of us hit them with baseball bats.
In my case, I hit them with word-based baseball bats.

And don’t be thinking I’m cashing in and jumping on the bandwagon.
The bandwagon totally left without me.

December 29th
Over 60 million people died this year, and they can’t all be mocked, so here’s a rundown of the top  pulse-deficient celebrities this year.

April 21st
This week: ‘Celebrities’ to run marathon, and Allure convinces five celebrities to become less clothed and more naked for your eyes.

April 14th
Having now proclaimed Empire the worst of the Trilogy, Ewok-fondler George Lucas has lost what little respect anyone had left for him…

April 7th
A stabbing? Why yes. And it is just as exciting as my sardonic tone implies.

March 31st
National Cleavage Day renamed, James Cameron sinks to new lows, Tulisa’s sextape is disappointing and Jon Hamm saves the day.

March 24th
This week: Hunger Games feeds Hollywood bank accounts, and Dina Lohan wants you to call her.

March 17th
German celebrity rabbit murdered, Kirsten Dunst has her ups and downs,
and Katie Price is… Mother Of The Year…?

March 10th
Dykes get married, Limbaugh chugs a big cock of lies, and Olivia Wilde saves the day.

February 25th
Chris Brown is gay and steals shit, Stephen Hawking and other disableds have sex, and Celebrity Apprentice redefines ‘celebrity’.

February 18th
Pat Buchanan racist and fired, Whitney Houston dead and buried live (on the web, not a-live) … and (no) more!

February 11th
Award Season 2012 continues to spunk in our faces – this week it’s a BAFTA special, featuring all the BAFTA news you could want, and some you don’t!

February 4th
Gisele Bundchen’s boobs, Roseanne Barr for President, and a Jew beats the bishop.

January 28th
Georgia Salpa’s breasts crowned queen of Sweden, Frankie Cocozza finally comes out the closet, and Paula Deen haz cheeseburger.

January 21st
Etta James RIP. Damon Albarn mourns publicly. OJ Simpson is maybe possibly probably maybe Khloe Kardashian father? And Georgia Salpa saves lives!

January 14th
The Big Brother ‘excitement’ continues…

January 7th
It’s the Celebrity Big Brother special!

December 24th
North Korea left despotless, Celebrity Hitman coming soon, and McFly plan to boil own shoes for Christmas dinner.

December 17th
Ali Lohan’s reanimated body stalks the streets of LA, Barbara Walters may leave broadcasting and become a fry cook, Duggar’s lose a baby – but have plenty spare, and Bieber continues to be a wanker.

December 11th
X-Factor causes riots, Ashton Kutcher continues his Douchery, and Justin Bieber is stabbed… or is he?

December 3rd
Britney’s birthday, Flava Flav back on TV & Katie Price does absolutely nothing

November 24th
Paul Weller’s new album, Peter Andre points at things, Robin Gibb is still alive, Angie Dowds isn’t, and nobody has assassinated Coldplay. Yet.