One of my jobs is pitching shows.  Most of them don’t get picked up.  Soon you will understand why.

It’s Thursday.
It’s TheDrCaptain.com.
It’s Pitch Of The earfucking Week.

This week’s pitch:

Bacon and the Jew

Outline:

A brightly coloured cartoon aimed at 4-8 year olds, about a Jewish child taunted to the bring of sanity by anthropomorphic bacon, because he cannot eat it. Also, the bacon is magic.

Commissioner’s reaction:

“Ok, three things.
First;  the bacon drives the child insane every week?
Second, what does ‘the bacon is magic’ mean?
Third: how is this in any way child-friendly?”

My retort:

“First of all, let me answer your questions with a question:  How much is a bee?”

“In what?”

“Exactly, now you see where I’m coming from.  Now, to the answers:

One: In the six days between episodes, the child undergoes intensive psychiatric counselling – it’ll all be explained in the title sequence.
Two: Magic is magic, you don’t want to explain magic to the children; they’ll begin to think that Santa isn’t real.
Third: It’s not only ABOUT a child, but it’s also about BACON – while I don’t personally eat bacon, those I’ve interviewed who have, assure me that it is one of the most child-friendly AND magical things.

Come to think about it, they might have been drunk.

Or made up by me right now.”

Executive Decision:

“What are you doing to my office..?  Why are your lubing up my telephone receiver..!?”

Next week: I try to pitch PITCH: THE TV SHOW, with hilarious meta results.