One of my jobs is pitching shows.  Most of them don’t get picked up.  Soon you will understand why.

It’s Thursday.
It’s TheDrCaptain.com.
It’s Pitch Of The ball-tickling Week.

This week’s pitch:

I’d Really Like To Cook…

Outline:

“Some people like to cook, and some people don’t –”

“– Can we stop you there?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Well, this pitch you’ve handed us…”

“Yeah?’

“… the full title is…’

“I know, isn’t it great?”

“… I’d Really Like To Cook… And Eat You.”

“It’s TV gold.”

Commissioner’s reaction:

“So. It’s a show about cannibals?”

My retort:

“Cannibals, and their victims – but done as a cooking show.”

“A spoof cooking show?”

“Oh not at all.  We bring in the most highly trained German cannibals –”

“– Do they have to be germans?”

“My research tells me that most cannibals are actually German.”

“How much research did you actually do?”

“… Does briefly skimming a whole page of google results count as a lot?”

Executive Decision:

“Do you not see anything wrong with cannibalism being presented as a normal activity on prime-time television?”

“Oh, I wasn’t thinking prime-time – this is more like a light hearted early afternoon show.  It could have the same slot as ‘Ready Steady Cook’ or ‘Can’t Cook Won’t Cook’.  

 ”Can’t Cook People – It’s Against The Law To Cook People.”

“That’s a much more pessamistic title.”

“I was stating a fact, not an alternate title.”

“Oh. Well. It’s still pessamistic.”

Next week: I pitch Gary Busey:  Celebrity Rape Counciller to OWN.  And failing that, E!